The Wizard of Middle Earth
by Daisy and Sugar
Summary: A cross between 'The Wizard of Oz' and 'LOTR'! Hee hee Gimli wears tights!
1. Default Chapter

THE WIZARD OF MIDDLE EARTH!!  
  
By: Sugar  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Lord of the Rings, The wizard of Oz or anything else that I'm not supposed to own.  
  
A/N: This story is evil! It came to me one night when I was on the phone with Daisy...  
  
~*~  
  
One fine day two girls fell out of the sky in a motor home. "Where are we?" Sugar asked, stepping out.  
  
"In Middle Earth!" Daisy answered.  
  
"How'd you know that?" Sugar asked, and looked under her motor home to find a pair of pink and purple socked feet sticking out.  
  
"I just do- Hey we landed on someone!" Daisy said, suprised.  
  
Just then a hobbit jumped out of a bush and cried, "They killed him, they killed him!"  
  
"I'm sorry...who did we kill?" Sugar asked.  
  
"The evil wizard of Isengard, Sarumon!" Another hobbit cried and jumped out.  
  
Soon the motor home was surrounded by hobbits, who were chanting: "Ding, dong, the wizard is dead, the wizard is dead!"  
  
A pink bubble floated out of a tree and burst over their heads. A short, stocky figure fell from it.  
  
"Damn bubbles!" Gimli said, standing up, wearing a pink tutu and tights.  
  
"The good dwarf Gimli!" A hobbit cried happily.  
  
"Hello?" Sugar grinned at Gimli.  
  
"Yes, yes I am the good dwarf Gimli and I have come to show you the way home!" Gimli said, waving a small pink, sparkly wand around.  
  
"What if we don't wanna go home?" Daisy asked.  
  
"Too bad...anyway I'm not sending you home, Gandalf, the wizard of Middle Earth is", he said. The hobbits cheered at the mention of Gandalf's name.  
  
"How do we get there?" Daisy sighed.  
  
"You follow the yellow snow path", Gimli sang joined by the hobbits who then chanted: "Just follow the yellow snow path!"  
  
"Eww, yellow snow!" Sugar screwed up her nose.  
  
"Relax, it's only lemon", Gimli picked up a handful and stuffed it into his mouth. "Now all you need is dumb excuses, like wanting something you already have!".  
  
"I can't cry", Daisy stated.  
  
"Good then you can go for tearducts", Gimli straightened his tights and watched Sugar try to walk through a brick wall. "You can go for sanity", he said finally.  
  
Suddenly there was a puff of smoke and Arwen appeared in the crowd of hobbits. "Give me your rings!" She cackled.  
  
"Rings?" Daisy and Sugar said at the same time.  
  
"I haven't given it to them yet!" Gimli yelled and tossed two sparkly, red rings at the girls. "Now remember these are Sarumon's magic toe rings, don't lose them!"  
  
"Eww, you mean those were on his feet? I don't want them anymore!" Arwen yelled and disappeared again.  
  
"What's wrong with Arwen?" Daisy asked.   
  
"She's gone evil", Gimli said and popped a bubble gum in his mouth. He blew a giant bubble and jumped into it. As Daisy and Sugar watched him float away they wondered what story they had been written into this time.  
  
The hobbits chanted as the girls followed the winding yellow snow path out of the hobbit village.  
  
They walked for a while and came to a VERY familiar cornfield. But instead of going through it, like Sugar had wanted to, they kept following the path, while Farmer Maggot yelled at them. As they rounded a corner Sugar noticed a heart-throb elf perched on the fence, making swishing noises.  
  
"No, Sugar...don't" Daisy tried to hold her back, but she flew out of Daisy's arms and onto the fence next to him.  
  
"Hellooooo!" She said.  
  
"Swish, swish, swish!" he answered.  
  
"What did he say?" Daisy asked.  
  
"He said, hello", Sugar answered.  
  
"How would you know?" Daisy pulled her off the fence.  
  
"Elves can talk to trees, just like me remember? And he's talking Treeish" Sugar began to swish too.  
  
"But you said the trees don't answer", Daisy looked at the two of them swishing.  
  
"I lied", Sugar said in a demonic voice.  
  
"Uh huh...hey do you want to go with us, Legolas?" Daisy asked.  
  
"How did you know who he was?" Sugar asked.  
  
"Same way I knew we were in Middle Earth!" Daisy answered.  
  
"Swish, swish, swish!" Legolas said.  
  
"He said he needs a haircut from Gandalf anyway, something about split ends..."Sugar translated.  
  
"How'd he...never mind, come on then!" Daisy said solemnly.  
  
So they continued on down the yellow snow path...  
  
A/N: So what do you think? Should I continue this or is it a lost cause? Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes... 


	2. two

THE WIZARD OF MIDDLE EARTH!!  
  
By: Sugar  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Lord of the Rings, The wizard of Oz or anything else that I'm not supposed to own. Same old, same old.  
  
A/N: Sugar: OMG I figured out how to upload! *Sticks tongue out at Daisy*  
Daisy: Good for you!  
Sugar: Was that a sarcastic tone?  
Daisy: No kidding.  
  
~*~  
  
Next they passed through The Old Forest.  
  
"Mmmm, apples..." Sugar said and picked one. A large grumbling was heard from inside the tree.  
  
"Uh oh", Legolas said, in English because he tired of swishing.  
  
"What the hell was that?" Daisy asked.  
  
"It's Old Man Willow and he's calling Tom Bombadil", Legolas explained.  
  
"Aaah!!" Sugar tried to pull herself out of the tree that was known for eating CERTAIN hobbits.  
  
Just then Tom Bombadil showed up with an army of Ents. "Yo, let her go!" He yelled at the tree.  
  
"Hum Bum the ho!" An Ent boomed and the tree opened up and let Sugar go.  
  
"Who are you callin' a ho?" Sugar asked.  
  
"Gimli told us about you two, do you still have your rings?" Tom asked in a sing-song voice. Sugar pulled hers out and gnawed on it while Daisy slipped hers on a chain.  
  
"Anyway, I got some Ho Humming to do..." Tom turned and left with the army of Ents, leaving the small company speechless.  
  
So they continued on until Daisy's cat named Tete, that was not mentioned before, began to mew at something in the woods.  
  
"What is it Tete?" Daisy asked the cat but stopped and stared at a frozen figure.  
  
"Hey, it's Boromir!" Sugar cried, running up beside her.  
  
"Boromir's alive, AAAAAAAAAHHH!!" Legolas ran away screaming.  
  
"Hey, I wonder what would happen if I did this..." Sugar blew Boromir's horn, that sat on a near-by stump. As if by magic Boromir unfroze and began to move.  
  
"Why are you here? I thought you were dead?!" Daisy yelled.  
  
"Yeah, well Tolkien couldn't figure out what to do with my body, he couldn't just leave it at the bottom of a waterfall, so he froze me and stuck me here." Boromir wiggled his fingers and toes.  
  
By now Legolas was creeping back, "Do you want to go to the Wizard of Middle Earth with us Boromir?" He asked quietly.  
  
"Legolas, my good friend, of course I would go with you. I need some immortality anyway. If I die repeatedly in anymore fanfics I'm going to hurl!" Boromir opened his arms to embrace Legolas.  
  
"Meep!" Legolas squeaked and jumped behind a bush.  
  
At that moment a evil puff of smoke appeared on the roof of a near-by cabin that wasn't there before.  
  
An evil cackle rose from it. The smoke cleared and revealed Arwen in a black costume.  
  
"Oh , it's only good Arwen", Boromir sighed.  
  
"Good Arwen! Good Arwen!" Arwen mocked, "Well I'm not good anymore. I stole the immortality necklace thingy back from Aragorn and I changed my mind about the rings!" She cackled angrily.  
  
"She's not lying!" Sugar nodded her head.  
  
"And now I will send stupid flying Orcs after you for no stupid reason!" She continued and with that she disappeared.  
  
"That was weird!" Legolas said ignoring the orcs buzzing around his head. The rest of the group ran madly down the path while he skipped behind.  
  
Eventually the orcs killed themselves off because they were stupid and no one followed the company, but they ran all the way to Mirkwood anyway.  
  
"Let's stop running", Daisy proposed, slowing down. So they began to sing the annoying theme song again. But they had to get on with the story so they started singing: "Orcs and Ents and Oliphaunts, Oh my!"  
  
"Roar!" Something jumped out of a tree and missed them. THUMP!! It hit the ground with a sickening crunch.  
  
"I'm okay", Aragorn said pathetically and stood up.  
  
"EEH, Aragorn!!" Sugar latched herself onto his leg.  
  
"Am I supposed to be scared?" He asked.  
  
"YES", A disembodied voice answered.  
  
"Thanks", Aragorn called and began to quiver and shake.  
  
"You wanna go with us to the Wizard of Middle Earth?" Boromir asked.  
  
"Sure I need a sword resurrected anyway -Hey aren't you dead?" Aragorn looked at Boromir curiously.  
  
"Why does everyone keep asking that?" Boromir yelled at sky.  
  
Meanwhile..........   
  
"Yes, my precious, yes", Arwen watched them through her magical necklace that she had stolen back from Aragorn. "I'll stop them somehow!" And with that she disappeared.  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: I know. I know. The horn thing sounds disgusting! I wonder what  
Arwen is planning, probably something evil...uh, yeah. 


	3. three

THE WIZARD OF MIDDLE EARTH!!  
  
By: Sugar  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Lord of the Rings, The wizard of Oz or anything else that I'm not supposed to own especially Mintos. Blaa, blaa, blaa, blaaaaa!  
  
A/N: I am way too lazy to type up an interesting authors note.  
  
~*~  
  
Arwen reappeared in a field of daisies and began sprinkling magic 'sleeping' pixie dust. "Hee hee!" she cackled, "I'll get their rings yet!". She paused and thought about why she wanted the rings. She decided it was because she was an evil bitch.  
  
"EEEEHHH DAISIES!" Daisy squealed and ran into the field. She sat down and began making daisy chains. Suddenly the daisies screamed and bit her. "Alive! ALIVE!" Daisy yelled and ran back to Sugar.  
  
"Dammit!" Arwen cursed as she watched them through her magic necklace, "Must have used the wrong pixie dust".  
  
"Hey look over there, it's where the wizard lives, in the diamond city of Minas Tirith!" Aragaorn shouted. They all looked at the horizon, which was quite fake, there was a white tower glistening in the distance.  
  
"We'll have to risk the daisies", Sugar said gloomily.   
  
"What do you mean, RISK?" Daisy growled suspiciously.  
  
"Not you, the flowers!" Sugar shouted.  
  
"Oh, okay", Daisy said. So they ran like hell through the field, with daisies biting their heels.  
  
Eventually they the gates of Minas Tirith, which suspiciously looked like the gates of Bree.  
  
Legolas reached up and knocked. A small window slid open and a cute little face came into view.  
  
"Frodo!" Sugar and Daisy squealed and jumped up and down.  
  
"What is it?" He asked grumpily.  
  
"We'd like to see the wizard", Boromir said and stepped forward.  
  
"I thought you were dead", Frodo said, suprised.  
  
"Do you want me to be dead?" Boromir asked, frustrated.  
  
"Well..."Frodo trailed off, but then snapped back to reality, "You can't see the wizard!" shouted and slammed the window  
  
"But...but..." Daisy put on a cute puppy face.  
  
"We need to get home, and I need sanity, Daisy needs tearducts, Legolas needs a haircut, Aragorn needs a sword, and Boromir needs immortality, is that too much to ask?" Sugar, who had tearducts, turned on the waterworks and tears streamed down her face.  
  
Frodo returned with EXTREMELY fake tears dripping off his face. "That's so sad, I guess you can come in..." He opened the door and they filed in.  
  
They spent the next four and a half hours riding around in a cart, pulled by a horse who wore Sarumon's old cloak that turned colors. Then Aragorn sang a stupid song about how he would be the king of Gondor. After that he discovered a tail sprouting out of his ass.  
  
Then Frodo kicked them into a big white tower where Gandalf lived. They walked down a long, scary hallway. Sugar cried pathetically and Daisy...pretended to cry because she had no tearducts. They reached a large chamber where fires issued and smoke billowed from giant pipes. A large hologram head appeared in the middle.  
  
"Mr. Wizard?" Sugar shook like a leaf.  
  
"What do you want?" The head asked impatiently and sour smelling smoke streamed from it's mouth.  
  
"You need some Mintos man..." Daisy's eyes rolled up in her head with the smell.  
  
"Shut up!" The head screamed, "I'm too lazy to give you anything so...go kill Arwen and I'll promise you things you already have".  
  
"Oki Doki", Sugar said cheerfully and skipped away, followed by Daisy, Aragorn, Legolas, and Boromir.  
  
"We're going to kill Arwen!" Aragorn cried happily once they were safe outside the gate.  
  
"I thought you loved her?" Daisy asked the cheering Aragorn.  
  
"She took back the immortality", he whimpered.  
  
"Men!" Sugar threw up her arms in disgust.  
  
"I'm not the one who wants something meaningless as tearducts!" Aragorn said smugly.  
  
"Shut up none of you know what it's like not to cry!" Daisy sat down and refused to move.  
  
"I do", Legolas said meekly, but everyone ignored him.  
  
Arwen watched them through her mafic necklace. "Yes, my preciousss, come to me". She cackled and sent some flying orcs out to get them.  
  
Daisy still refused to move and Legolas was sitting beside her, absorbed in his hair.  
  
Suddenly flying orcs zoomed down and scooped Daisy and Sugar up. "Weee!" Sugar spread out her arms and enjoyed the experience while Daisy kicked and screamed. The orcs carried them to the tower of Isengard where Arwen lived now because Elrond kicked her out of Rivendell.  
  
They sat in an easily escapable room and Arwen cackled evilly. "I'm going to give you this much time", she pulled out a time turner from a near-by Harry Potter fic. She set it down and walked away.  
  
"This is too easy", Daisy yawned and filed her nails.  
  
  
A/N: OMG I saw 'The Faculty' last night. That movie is SO cool! Maybe because Elijah Wood is in it... but that's not the point. Actually it is. *Sigh* he's SO cute! Who agrees? *A thousand hands shoot up in the air* I thought so! 


	4. four

The Wizard of Middle Earth!  
  
By: Sugar  
  
Disclaimer: Do not own Lord of the Rings, The Wizard of Oz or anything else I'm not supposed to own. You know what? These disclaimers are REALLY annoying. I hate them.  
  
A/N: I'm sick today. I feel so...BLAH! I have no life so I decided to upload. BLAH!  
  
~*~  
  
"Since we're extremely lazy let's let the others rescue us", Sugar sat down and brushed her hair.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Legolas cried.  
  
"What?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Sugar took my hair brrrruuuuuuusssssshhhhhh!!" he wailed.  
  
"Idiot, we have to save them!" Boromir shouted.  
  
"Why?" Aragorn and Legolas asked at the same time.  
  
"Because of the storyline", Boromir sighed and they set off. Eventually they came to the tower of Isengard.  
  
Ring Wraiths marched in and out of the tower. The guys grabbed three of them and took their costumes. The naked Ring Wraiths ran away screaming.  
  
So the 'Ring Wraiths' that were Aragorn, Boromir, and Legolas marched into the tower in search of the girls. And since I have a total hand cramp I'm skipping to the part just before the witch melts.  
  
"Hee hee hee hee!" Arwen laughed hysterically and set fire to Boromir who ran around in circles.  
  
Blindly Sugar threw a bucket of water at him, but missed and hit Arwen. But instead of melting she stomped her foot, "Great now I have to do my hair all over again and my make-up is a mess..." Arwen turned to walk away but fell in a well to her death. Daisy threw a rock in after her.  
  
Boromir continued to run around and caught Legolas' hair on fire. "AAAAAHHH!! My beautiful, sexy, shiny hair", he screamed and ran around too.  
  
Daisy pulled a bucket of water out of nowhere and tossed it at them, putting the fire out. Legolas and Boromir stood there bald.  
  
"Back to the wizard!" Sugar announced and zapped them back to the wizards with a wand that had magically come from a near-by Harry Potter fic.  
  
"What is it now?" The head yelled, sending out a cloud of smoke big enough to put another hole in the ozone layer.  
  
"We killed her!" Sugar cried.  
  
"That's super", he said sarcastically. Tete, the cat that is hardly mentioned began clawing a curtain in the corner. "Ignore that curtain!" The head yelled just as Tete shredded the curtain, revealing a long-bearded wizard.  
  
"Gandalf it's you!" Legolas cried.  
  
"Well obviously you fool of a...Greenleaf..." Gandalf turned and hobbled over to them.  
  
"Yeah, just give us our stuff", Boromir said impatiently.  
  
"No because you already have them!" Gandalf growled.  
  
"Huh?" Aragoen said stupidly.  
  
"Legolas you don't need a haircut now!" Gandalf said gesturing to Legolas' bald head.  
  
"But I want hhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrr!" Legolas wailed.  
  
"What is it with you and stretching out your words?" Aragorn asked, annoyed.  
  
"Fine", Gandalf cut a large tangle of beard from his chin and crazy glued it to Legolas' head.  
  
"It's going to need some Herbal Essences", he began to immediately brush it.  
  
"Aragorn you don't need a freakin' sword!" Gandalf said.  
  
"I don't?" Aragorn looked confused.  
  
"You do but I'm too lazy to reincarnate one, here's a gun!" Gandalf tossed a rifle at Aragorn. It went off and shot Boromir dead. Gandalf looked at the dead Boromir. "Three down, two to go", Gandalf sighed and moved on to the girls.  
  
"I can't cry!" Daisy whined.  
  
"Of course you can!" Gandalf kicked her hard in the shins and tears welled up in her eyes. "See", he said and turned to Sugar who was attempting to cough up the ring she had swallowed and count her toes at the same time.  
  
"I need sanity", she stated once she had coughed the ring up.  
  
"That's a hard one, here's the number of my psychiatrist", Gandalf handed her a business card. But she ate it. Finally he gave a card to Daisy to hold on to for Sugar.  
  
"Now you have to go home!" Gandalf cried happily.  
  
"No we don't", Sugar protested.  
  
"Yes, you do", Gandalf said.  
  
"Why?" Daisy asked.  
  
"STORYLINE!!" Gandalf screamed.  
  
"How are we gonna get back then genius?" Sugar asked.  
  
"You have a magic wand genius!" Gandalf mocked.  
  
"Oh yeah..." Daisy said and zapped them back home.  
  
Epilogue:  
  
Sugar now has several objects lodged in her stomach and lives in the hospital.  
  
Daisy makes daisy chains for a living and actually sells them.  
  
Legolas is wig model and started a new trend called 'beardhead'.  
  
Aragorn spends all his time at the shooting range. Shooting LIVE targets.  
  
Boromir is well...dead. But this author found a good place for him...* Bormir screams in the backround* Boromir be quiet!  
  
Arwen was only mistaken for dead, she lives at the bottom of the well while certain 'Fools of Tooks' throw rocks at her.  
  
Gandalf flew away in a balloon. Actually he didn't he just told everybody he did.  
  
THE END!!  
  
A/N: *Mournful wail* POOR LEGOLAS!! His poor, beautiful, sexy, shiny, blonde, perfect hair!! Why did I write this? WHY?! WHY?! *Dies* I need some chocolate *Dies again*. 


End file.
